9/11

I rarely cry. Not because I am unemotional or lack feelings, but I just somehow don't allow my tear ducts to water up. Sure I get sad, have bad days, feel like everything is going the wrong way but somehow pull it together enough to not tear up. That is not to say that tearing up is bad, we all just have ways of dealing with stress, emotions. Some cry, some alienate, some drink, I like to life semi-heavy things : ) 

I will cry tomorrow. I don't know why, and can't really pinpoint the emotion but, September 11th brings about a tenderness that I rarely have. 

If you have not heard the story of the Sheep, the Wolf, and the Sheepdog check it out, its a good little story. I feel that it depicts much if not all of our society. Most of us are sheep. We go about our business and try to lead a decent life hopefully living for the right things (good people, fun times, bettering ourselves). However sheep are harmless, we are incapable of wanting to hurt somebody and in those regards, cannot do harm unless by accident. Then there are wolves. Wolves feed on the sheep, without pity. They see the sheep and understand their gentleness, they know of their lack of capability to produce violence, therefore feed. Then there are the few who are sheepdogs, who mentally possess the notion of violence and kindness at the same time. They have a bit of wolf in them but are more sheep than anything. The sheep never know when it is coming, they never have a clue. They sleep better at night having sheepdogs who are slightly violent, a bit of wolf in them, walk around unknowingly, bust most of all willing. 

When the sheepdog is asleep, the wolf feeds on the sheep. 

September 11th, 2001 was a feeding. Such a feeding that it compares to December 7th, 1941, if not supersedes it. Nearly 3,000 sheep died because of what the wolf, Osama Bin Laden ordered on 9/11. The main wolf let loose the ignorant, supposed martyr wolves which led to the largest attack on American soil.  

We get up everyday, typically to an alarm clock, which we hate and drive to work, which we typically hate. We focus on the negatives and how early it is or how we would rather be sleeping, or doing pretty much anything else. I do it often, too often. Life can be a beautiful thing if you look through eyes that are attempting to be beautiful. Imagine waking up and hating your alarm, being upset that your coffee took a little longer than expected to receive, or that you had to eat your healthy breakfast again because you feel that you are 10 pounds overweight which consumes your mind everyday making you miserable. Imagine that is your typical day and you go to work and find out upon arriving that it's your last, maybe even your last hour on this earth. Well spent? I hope not. That happened for many New Yorkers. That happened to many families in New York. Death does not affect just the deceased, it affects the people that they inspire, love, and care for.  

Almost 3,000 people woke up that disastrous day in September, 2001 not knowing that it'd be their last.  Waking up to my clock radio with reports of a building being blown up left me puzzled, but seeing live the 2nd building being hit left me speechless. To this day it has left my speechless. 

I was 15 when 9/11 happened and really could not comprehend it but in 2004 I saw a HBO documentary titled '9 Innings from ground zero'. It told a story of families and people in the city and how they dealt with the attacks. Some people in the documentary had family members in the towers, or others were just New Yorkers dealing with the injustice put on them on that day. The common thread between everyone is baseball, yankee baseball to be more specific. Yes, the yankees are the evil empire, however the things that they did for that city; the people hugged, the houses visited, and minds put on hold for just a bit to forget the atrocious acts are things of legends. The visits to firehouses, to houses of 3rd graders who lost their dad on a flight, or to a grown man contemplating suicide because of his brothers death in a tower. The common feeling of patriotism at the yankee games in late 2001 were what got the people of New York through the hard times. The chants of USA on a nightly basis, wearing flags around town, and players from all nationalities running onto the field with flags of the stars and stripes was a thing of pride, is still a thing of pride as I have watched the documentary everyday on 9/11 since 2004. Where has this gone? Where has the random hug of a neighbor, and salute to the 50 stars on our flag, or the emotional pick up of a stranger gone? (If you have not seen this, please seek it and watch it, it is truly amazing)

Life is bigger than me, it is bigger than you, and its certainly bigger than our daily problems that bring us down. I take the attacks on the towers personal, I do not know why but knowing and attempting to comprehend 2,500+ being killed for fanatical reasons that have no stage in a rational mind is not ok with me. I hope it is not ok with you, and the 11th of September is a reminder how fragile life can be, how short life can be. At any instant we can be taken, worse for us personally, someone we love could be taken. Do not go by tomorrow without taking in fresh air, hugging the people that you care about, or recognizing that you are still on this earth and people just as good as you were taken for no reason at all. 

I look at the flag differently, just as I look at 747's differently. The day changed me forever, and will never forget where I was. Innocent people were taken, sheep were fed on and massacred. This is not ok, and never will be ok. A flame will always burn in my heart for the victims, as well as a flame of disgust for wolves. Be in the moment and cherish the little things, because one day that external flame will be gone regardless of what side you are on.

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