People are important in my life. Not many, but they are. People are what get me through my day. Interactions, conversations, jokes and laughs are what allow me to keep my sanity and do what I do. I don't write for me. I do not coach for me. The things that I routinely do on a daily basis are not for me. They are for a community.
I have been a crossfit coach since 2008. When I first started I did not get it. I did not get it one bit. I could not teach someone how to squat, how to jerk, or even how to eat right. All I knew how to do was to 'push someone harder', someday I'd get it.
In college I took my 'job' for granted. Steve and Alec hired me very young and looking back I am extremely appreciative. I moved to Texas and worked for a gym, and again, did not quite get it. I thought maybe I would grow up. I don't think I ever got there. I finally got it; I got it when at the lowest point in my life I needed people. Adrenal fatigue had taken over my life. I could not work, workout, socialize, be happy, walk up stairs, or have a sexual drive. I was 25.
I needed someone to help me, take me in, and I received that help. Erik and Darlene of Crossfit Brea took me in. They allowed me to live at their house when I did not have many places to go, and they gave me a job when I needed one the most. This is where I learned how to be a coach, it was where I grew the most allowing me to become a better coach. It was the first time that I did not take my job for granted, I understood that I was fortunate enough to have the ability to affect people that later gave me the title, 'coach'.
It was an opportunity to help people. I needed help, I received it, now it was my turn to give back on a daily basis. I began to develop relationships with members unlike any others I have ever had before. Coaching was not teaching someone how to squat, it was learning about their life; their kids, their jobs, their social outlets. The platform is Crossfit, the gateway is me, and the reason is something deep routed in their life and I get to help them with it, such an honor. Everyone has issues and stress, and more often than not, members seem to blow off that steam at my gym. Every once in a while a member will allow me to make an impact on their life and I will do the best to my ability to comfort them. I have had members cry in my arms, call me at midnight to talk, and ask me out for a beer to learn about me. It is not about me! It is about them and about their life growth and again, Crossfit is the platform for that, it facilitates that and I am fortunate to be apart of the Crossfit family to help my 'friends'.
I have not written in a long time. Some 'big' things have happened in my life since I last wrote. I quote 'big' because I competed in regionals and I left a job for another, big deal. People do it all the time, I understand, however the circumstances that surround it, I feel are a bit different. I have been apart of the Crossfit Costa Mesa community for a long time (lucky to be so). I have seen it grow and become what it is today and was proud to be part of it. I competed in the Crossfit regionals, which is not much to say, but for that gym, for me, it was a big thing. I was fortunate to fly a flag, and flying a flag to me, is incredibly empowering. It is a symbol, a symbol that means different things to different people, and to me a crossfit gym allows people to overcome fears, their self-perceived inadequacies, and allows them to grow in ways never thought possible. That was the flag I was flying. Sure there are reasons I competed for that had to do with me, but without a community around me I would not have been able to accomplish what I did.
When I competed in regionals the support was unbelievably emotionally shocking. I have never had that much support in my life, ever. I did the best that I felt I could and came up short. However, it was not about me, it was about the people that showed up and cheered me on. My friends, co-workers, members of the gym, my parents, and most of all; ex-members. I could not and wouldn't have been the same without Ray's support, without constant text messages of encouragement, or without nightly conversations to calm me down from Rory. There was a point at which I did not know how to respond because so many ex-members had showed up that I almost could not comprehend. It was a family, a family that I am not worthy to have, but I have it and I am grateful everyday for it. These are the people that taught me how to coach, how to care, and how to build a community. I think about them everyday and will always thank Erik and Darlene for the guidance that they gave me.
I did not choose this job for money, this job is out of pure love of members and their mental growth. Lately, I felt that the direction had changed a bit. Certain things were being ignored and the ability to affect members in a way that I thought best, was being taken away. It had become about personal agendas and not the people that drive the gym, the members.
Leadership is a big thing with me. It is the groundwork for any business or group and I felt that some important important things were maybe missing; tact, selflessness, integrity. I feel this lead me to change jobs, on good terms, and was welcomed and embraced by a whole new community that seemingly (and oddly enough) acted fortunate enough to have me before my first day, a rather remarkable feeling. The excitement and expectations for me present themselves to be immense, but it is nice to be recognized and appreciated for the things that I feel I do.
The support and love that I received from people in my life was completely overwhelming. My phone had never rang that many times from calls, texts, and emails congratulating me or expressing sorrow for me leaving. It was truly amazing and something I will never forget. I do not wish that it was this way but at this moment in time, it had to be. There are things that I can support and things that I cannot, and this unfortunately took me to a different direction in my life.
I love what I do, however I would not be the person that I am right now as I write this, if it was not for the members of gyms that I have been allowed to be apart of. I want to thank all of you that gave me an ounce of support, know that it did not go unnoticed. My avoidance and mental absence has not been because I don't care, but because it was taking time to process all the love being received. I am lucky to have you guys. I am lucky to have my job and the people that I have met and learned from.
People are important in my life. They help me as I help them; it is an on-going family. You that are touched by this are my family and I would be nowhere without you.
