7 years does not feel like 7 years.

I miss my friend. As I sit on my balcony in perfect beachfront southern California weather, I miss my friend. Is that selfish? I hope not, I hope with so many 'I's' in this blog that, that thought is not selfish. I want to see him. I want to talk to him. I want to hear his mocking tone again. Most of all I want to talk about life with him. Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's not. I never shared a legal beer with him, I never was able to give him advice on this, or have him tell me that I am being irrational on that. I never will be able to share the experiences I have had, and the people that have affected me, or my ability to have (hopefully) positive influences on the people I see everyday. What do we know at 19?  

It has been seven years, and still I will never forget the transformation that my friend Brian's (Bubba) death brought me, brought us. He was known by many, and loved by the dozens. He was killed at the age of 19, 19. The one that everyone loved, adored, and went to for help, whatever the need may be. He was the guy. Besides my parents he was the oldest and one constant in my life. 

I am twenty-six now, and to this day my life has felt as if I have lived two parts. A life prior to his death and one after. When I learned of his passing, I sat in silence for probably 5-10 minutes, I sat alone not really knowing how to respond. I was 19, ambivalent to the notion of death and at one enraging moment I punched the wall. That was my emotion, anger. Again, maybe thats selfish but thats how I left. However, I will never forget my time before this death, the moment of, and the time after. The moment of having to embrace his father, hug him, and share a disconnect followed be an emotional reconnect is something that imprinted itself on my brain forever. 

This is not about me, however, I feel that out of the experience that this is I can reach back for guidance and knowledge of life's lessons. Money problems, relationship problems, and other issues that matter not, really are small dips in the road. What are we doing? Working for a means to an end? Do we affect people and make the community around us better? The job I currently hold carries a strong ability to affect people in the randomness and most awesome ways. I sometimes take it for granted because at points I am selfish. I slept poorly, I managed my time incorrect and am running a bit late, or did not get to do the things I wanted to do during the day. All of those are not excuses but just what they are, excuses. My job has the ability to change peoples minds, to get rid of their negative feelings about themselves and change their life for the better. It is an empowering notion of self-improvement. It is beautiful actually, and to me if I can facilitate that, it brings about accomplishment that I can share with others and that makes me feel right.

I never got to share this with Brian. He was a beautiful person and made people around him better. I hope when I pass, or when I leave peoples lives that people can respond with 'I was better for knowing him', because I am better for knowing Brian. He was my best friend and cared for me when others didn't. I will never forget him and never let pass the emotions I feel on a constant basis, especially on the 28th of August. 

I love you and miss you.

Growth.

As a crossfit coach, I get many members and outsiders who assume too much. I am guilty of it myself at times, however too often I see gyms and the community get to wrapped up in the 'sexy met con'. Light weight met cons which is another form of circuit training. Doing light weight met cons all the time, is not how you get better (broad domains right?). There is a place and time for everything and 95# thrusters will always just be 95# thrusters if we don't attempt to improve our conditioning or strength in the areas we fall short.  I love Crossfit for what it can be. It is a tool to make people move better, faster and longer, if done right. What the community needs to understand is that we do the best job to our ability to create an atmosphere that can promote growth, mentally and physically, but we have to be met half way. Meeting us half way involves showing up and putting out you best effort (if you do not know what that is, look in the mirror and ask if you put it all out there), writing down daily what you do (weights, reps, sets, time, etc), listening to your body (if you have extra stress at home, sleeping bad, moody, maybe today isn't the day to come in, or maybe it is and you just want to hang out and see people). That is meeting us half way. With that being said, I often hear some people behind the scenes with some grumblings about 'programming' and relating it to their lack of gains (looking leaner, getting stronger).  We have to remember that we are here for workouts. The reason is this; a crossfit class is not a strength and conditioning class, it is a workout for the masses. NFL players have designed workouts on individual basis', not because of their large amounts of money but because they have different needs than you and I, just as a program designed for NFL players will differ from position to position.  You can only call it training if in fact you are training for something. Be a sponge when you have a good coach around. Listen to him/her and if you truly appreciate them, attempt to emulate the areas in which you want to aspire too. Pick your coaches' brains, if they are good, it can only be positive for the community. With that being said, if you aren't feeling the results you desire, talk. 

We cannot have it all. We cannot have continual fat loss with continuing strength gains. First we have to define what we want, there needs to be a plan, just as in strength and conditioning, there needs to be a direction. You cannot get better at running a 5k, snatching, and hand stand pushups all at the same time. Thats why in off-season sports programs (the good ones), it goes through progressions. Randomness will never get you better. Just as having a plan in training will get you to your goal, diet is the same way. 800m sprinters, olympic weightlifters, and Hockey players all eat differently, just as A 28 year old male at 8% body fat competing in the Crossfit Games eats differently then your 50 year old female doing a crossfit class 4 times a week. I hope you understand what I am getting at. We that do crossfit classes to 'look good naked' are eating for aesthetics, not performance. So when I hear complaints about paleo not working, I always tell them bluntly 'because you are doing it wrong'. I have never heard of anyone not loosing weight eating a steady diet of meat, vegetables, and healthy fats. 

Here are 10 things you need to be eating regardless if you are eating for performance or aesthetics:

10 things you must consume: (in no particular order)

1. Water, if you don't you will die (seriously). A gallon a day will help detoxify your body.

2. grassed beef - The fat in grassfed beef is not as high in omega-6(inflammatory fat) along with on the other side, fat from cows fed corn and soy their whole life along with antibiotics, have incredibly disgusting hormones and disease causing particles.

3. coconut - meat, butter, oil, water, in that order. Crack a coconut open and drink the water and scoop out the meat, put real coconut milk in your coffee is a creamer, and spoon some coconut butter for a perfect snack.

4. wild fish - if not consuming wild caught salmon, mackerel, or other fatty fish like these, fish oil should be taken.

5. blueberries, rasberries, and blackberries

6. eggs - pastured eggs are a great source of protein and fat and cheap.

7. leafy green veggies - kale and spinach need to be eaten on a daily basis. Lightly steam them, throw them in eggs (don't over cook them as nutrient density will diminish) or make a salad.

8. olive oil - Put EVOO on salads, on meats, on eggs, drink it even.

9. supplements - vitamin c (at least 3,000mg), b5(panothenic acid), and a b-complex. Hormones are the gateway to changing our body composition, b vitamins help with our adrenal glands which regulate many hormones in our body.

10. avocados - high in good fats, potassium (more than a banana per grams) and b-vitamins

Eat unlimited amounts of 1,2, 4, 7, and 8. Limit 3, 5, 6, 9, and 10.

10 things you are doing wrong with your diet/fitness (in no particular order)

1. You are not pushing yourself to the limit in your workouts. When is the last time you failed? When is the last time where you broke down in a class, mentally? Without failure, we will not know our limits.

2. You got sick, back squat max went down, and did not sleep well all week but continued to come to the gym. We only get better with rest, not work. If this is you, keep having bad numbers, crappy form and feeling bad. STAY OUT OF MY GYM (and rest of course)

3. You read about paleo and how you can eat unlimited amounts of meat fruit, nuts and veggies. The problem is the unlimited amounts of fruit and nuts. Guess what fruit is? It is sugar. Guess what happens when you eat sugar? Insulin spikes. Guess what happens when your insulin spikes and you are trying to loose weight? You do not loose weight, you store fat. Guess what that means? Limit insulin spikes. How do I limit insulin spikes? Eat meats, veggies, coconut, and olive oil. No nuts, and not a lot of fruit. Again if you are 7%body fat its different, if you are 27%body fat its different. Stop saying you eat paleo if you have fruit and almond butter for breakfast and lunch.

4. Calories matter to an extent. 3,000 calories of table sugar and 3,000 calories of broccoli will affect your body differently.

5. People hear me say that and think they can eat 10,000 calories a day of the above list, read number 3 everyday. Calories do count.

6. You ignore sleep. Sleep is when our body recovers.

7. You aren't lifting heavy enough weights. Lifting heavy weights (75% and above of your max) will not make you look like a body builder, it will make you look like an athlete. Compare 100m sprinter vs. a marathon runner. Guess what the first one does? Sprints, power lifts, and oly lifts. Guess what the marathon runner does, runs long slow distances. Guess what we do in crossfit?

8. You worry about finishing first vs putting out 100% effort with great form.

9. You eat too many 'paleo baked goods'. Eating almond flour and sweat potatoes with honey is gateway to fat. Limit this as a treat, just as you do other sweat things. Stay away from 'foods' like that. They are not food. 

10. Research intermittent fasting, I know many who have tried with great results. Large windows of fasting with smaller windows of feeding. If decided to do this, your food intake needs to be timed and well planned out

my life lately.

People are important in my life. Not many, but they are. People are what get me through my day. Interactions, conversations, jokes and laughs are what allow me to keep my sanity and do what I do. I don't write for me. I do not coach for me. The things that I routinely do on a daily basis are not for me. They are for a community. 

I have been a crossfit coach since 2008. When I first started I did not get it. I did not get it one bit. I could not teach someone how to squat, how to jerk, or even how to eat right. All I knew how to do was to 'push someone harder', someday I'd get it. 

In college I took my 'job' for granted. Steve and Alec hired me very young and looking back I am extremely appreciative. I moved to Texas and worked for a gym, and again, did not quite get it. I thought maybe I would grow up. I don't think I ever got there. I finally got it; I got it when at the lowest point in my life I needed people. Adrenal fatigue had taken over my life. I could not work, workout, socialize, be happy, walk up stairs, or have a sexual drive. I was 25. 

I needed someone to help me, take me in, and I received that help. Erik and Darlene of Crossfit Brea took me in. They allowed me to live at their house when I did not have many places to go, and they gave me a job when I needed one the most. This is where I learned how to be a coach, it was where I grew the most allowing me to become a better coach. It was the first time that I did not take my job for granted, I understood that I was fortunate enough to have the ability to affect people that later gave me the title, 'coach'.

It was an opportunity to help people. I needed help, I received it, now it was my turn to give back on a daily basis. I began to develop relationships with members unlike any others I have ever had before. Coaching was not teaching someone how to squat, it was learning about their life; their kids, their jobs, their social outlets. The platform is Crossfit, the gateway is me, and the reason is something deep routed in their life and I get to help them with it, such an honor. Everyone has issues and stress, and more often than not, members seem to blow off that steam at my gym. Every once in a while a member will allow me to make an impact on their life and I will do the best to my ability to comfort them. I have had members cry in my arms, call me at midnight to talk, and ask me out for a beer to learn about me. It is not about me! It is about them and about their life growth and again, Crossfit is the platform for that, it facilitates that and I am fortunate to be apart of the Crossfit family to help my 'friends'. 

I have not written in a long time. Some 'big' things have happened in my life since I last wrote. I quote 'big' because I competed in regionals and I left a job for another, big deal. People do it all the time, I understand, however the circumstances that surround it, I feel are a bit different. I have been apart of the Crossfit Costa Mesa community for a long time (lucky to be so). I have seen it grow and become what it is today and was proud to be part of it. I competed in the Crossfit regionals, which is  not much to say, but for that gym, for me, it was a big thing. I was fortunate to fly a flag, and flying a flag to me, is incredibly empowering. It is a symbol, a symbol that means different things to different people, and to me a crossfit gym allows people to overcome fears, their self-perceived inadequacies, and allows them to grow in ways never thought possible. That was the flag I was flying. Sure there are reasons I competed for that had to do with me, but without a community around me I would not have been able to accomplish what I did. 

When I competed in regionals the support was unbelievably emotionally shocking. I have never had that much support in my life, ever. I did the best that I felt I could and came up short. However, it was not about me, it was about the people that showed up and cheered me on. My friends, co-workers, members of the gym, my parents, and most of all; ex-members. I could not and wouldn't have been the same without Ray's support, without constant text messages of encouragement, or without nightly conversations to calm me down from Rory. There was a point at which I did not know how to respond because so many ex-members had showed up that I almost could not comprehend. It was a family, a family that I am not worthy to have, but I have it and I am grateful everyday for it. These are the people that taught me how to coach, how to care, and how to build a community. I think about them everyday and will always thank Erik and Darlene for the guidance that they gave me.

I did not choose this job for money, this job is out of pure love of members and their mental growth. Lately, I felt that the direction had changed a bit. Certain things were being ignored and the ability to affect members in a way that I thought best, was being taken away. It had become about personal agendas and not the people that drive the gym, the members. 

Leadership is a big thing with me. It is the groundwork for any business or group and I felt that some important important things were maybe missing; tact, selflessness, integrity. I feel this lead me to change jobs, on good terms, and was welcomed and embraced by a whole new community that seemingly (and oddly enough) acted fortunate enough to have me before my first day, a rather remarkable feeling. The excitement and expectations for me present themselves to be immense, but it is nice to be recognized and appreciated for the things that I feel I do. 

The support and love that I received from people in my life was completely overwhelming. My phone had never rang that many times from calls, texts, and emails congratulating me or expressing sorrow for me leaving. It was truly amazing and something I will never forget. I do not wish that it was this way but at this moment in time, it had to be. There are things that I can support and things that I cannot, and this unfortunately took me to a different direction in my life.

I love what I do, however I would not be the person that I am right now as I write this, if it was not for the members of gyms that I have been allowed to be apart of. I want to thank all of you that gave me an ounce of support, know that it did not go unnoticed. My avoidance and mental absence has not been because I don't care, but because it was taking time to process all the love being received. I am lucky to have you guys. I am lucky to have my job and the people that I have met and learned from.  

People are important in my life. They help me as I help them; it is an on-going family. You that are touched by this are my family and I would be nowhere without you.

blog

I was talking to my friend Colleen tonight and she is starting a book club. She and her friends are starting it for the same reason why I am writing this tonight. I want to do something, have a hobby outside of my place of work (not that I don't love it, cause I do!) But I want something with some purpose outside of the gym. She started a book club...I...?

I didn't know what my 'blog' was going to be when I started it. I have wrote a few times, not really knowing why I was doing it or where it was going. The last few weeks I have been really asking myself, what am I doing. I have become incredibly busy with work (not complaining) but since I work at a gym and attempt to be fit myself, it seems as if my life revolves around the gym. For months now it seems as my mind is always consumed with sleep, training, programming, diet, knowledge, etc. Why? I enjoy talking and learning about all those things but there is more to life. Yes people there is more to life than a 2 minute fran time. I have been described as sardonic, ironic, and flat out ridiculous by some (cough*Ben Green*) on the topic of me working in a crossfit gym and mocking crossfit competitions. That topic is for another day, however I do love the gym I work for and I understand the idea of competitions but too many people, I feel,  take it too far and think it is life or death.  The way that a specific person buys certain clothes, groceries, or acts a certain way to better them self to workout better is just a little much for me. One day I might buy into it, but maybe not.

I love simple things. I love simple food, cooked right. I love simple music, again done right. I love simple words put together to tell a story or give insight on anything. For simple things to be done right, I feel, the person doing them has to be passionate about whatever they are working with. To me, no better person better exemplifies attitude, passion, knowledge, humility, and entertainment than Anthony Bourdain. I started watching his show when it aired years ago and have been hooked with anything that he does. He could be labeled as a 'bad boy' chef, however he has changed a bit over the years. He writes and talks about specific meals and drinks that are for him, heaven. Not fancy meals with different courses, sauces, and what not. Corned beef and hash, but not hash from a can. Corned beef cooked right with the right spices and the right amount of human attention and love.

His tv shows and books are about obviously food. But they are much more than that. It is about the people involved in it, the history of it, the culture of it, and simplicity of it all. More often than not these things are forgotten or done wrong. A glass of wine with bread and cheese is not a glass of wine with bread and cheese. A bottle made in small batches with care and love, not mass produced. Bread with only 5 ingredients rather than 20, baked with a close eye, not in a factory. The cheese! The cheese should have no ingredients that we can't pronounce. Some might think that is weird but why do we buy food that have ingredients in it that we do not know where they come from or what they are, or more importantly, do to our body? A few hours with friends/loved ones with a small simple meal is a memory, laughs, culture, history. It is anything yo make of it and we as Americans I feel are always 'on the go' and never slow down to enjoy the hour, the day, the lunch with a friend.

Bourdain loves the French. He says he loves the French because they do everything simple, and most importantly they do it correctly. Food and pleasure to them is life. When they are eating they are talking about food/drink, when they wake up they are talking about food/drink and when they are in the garden picking fresh produce they are talking about how this will work into their evening meal. I believe it is not just the French they can have this. The Italians, how simple is tomato's and pasta? Or rice under a piece of fish (Japanese) These things are incredibly simple but such a thing of beauty.

So to the question of what am I doing, I have been thinking I need to find a hobby, a group, or something that I enjoy outside of anything relating to a gym/fitness. I do not want to write a blog about my workouts or something like that. Two reasons, one because I think no one cares about my training log and two, because I want my mind to not think about that at all. The gym can come and go, but what truly do I enjoy 24/7. I love beer and food. I am sure most of you that read this went 'who doesnt'? I was accepted into a graduate program for history where I had to write a paper with a proposed thesis. Mine was the history of beer. I love beers history, but more importantly I love its future. The best beers have not been made yet, and if when I say beer you think of coors miller or bud, this is not for you. Beers that are hand crafted, with almost a cult like aura. Food that is so good you are willing to pay pretty much anything to eat. Again, these things can be simple but have to be done with passion.

Legacy.

I have had a couple of eye opening weeks. It has made me take a step back and look at really who I am and who I want to be. Who I am and who I want to be are two different people, sadly enough. There are few people in this world that I would go anywhere with or do anything for, and one of those individuals’ (we’ll call him ‘Jim’) father passed a few weeks back. I went to the funeral out of pure respect for ‘Jim’, only meeting his father a few times. I met ‘Jim’ when I was 18, and he never once stopped displaying qualities of leadership, compassion, humility, and respect. ‘Jim’ was the guy that everyone wanted to know about, be around, and emulate. For me, he is someone who I am honored to know. As I was driving to ‘Jim’s’ fathers’ funeral, I wondered how ‘Jim’ became the man he was, and I thought it had to be because of his father. There is a special bond between father and sons, and I really would have like to known ‘Jim’s’ upbringing.

‘Jim’ has an older brother ‘Paul’. ‘Paul’ spoke first at the funeral, and spoke very well. ‘Paul’ is obviously the older more established son. He is a lawyer, wife and kids, and I think is a graduate of the University of Notre Dame. Those things are all to be proud of as a father. ‘Paul’ spoke at his fathers funeral and did not seem to drop a tear or go through any sort of emotional moments with the exception of when he spoke of his younger brother ‘Jim’. The common theme throughout the funeral was ‘selflessness’. Apparently, and too my thoughts, ‘Jim’ was exactly like his father. Paul talked of his younger brother ‘Jim’ as he was dad. He said that ‘Jim’ was their families’ legacy, and not himself. For a man to tear up and label his younger brother as the legacy of the family has to take a lot of pride swallowing. ‘Paul’ did it, and it put the question in front of my face…what would be said of me? More importantly what IS said about me?

‘Jim’ now coaches high school football, and his entire team showed up to his father’s funeral.  Never meeting ‘Jim’s’ father, yet taking time out of their high school summer to come to a funeral to man whom they’ve never met. That takes a special person, a very special person. So I sat to myself and asked again, what am I really doing? Have I ever changed a life? For the better? I don’t know if I could answer that, and it made me think of my friend Brian, who in a week, will be his date of passing back in 2005. These men effected people in ways I do not know if I ever could, and that makes me think. What am I doing? What are you doing?

What is your legacy? What is it? Are we creating it for the good or the...?

what is 'crossfit'

I have been working out, training, coaching, teaching, learning, and testing inside and out of gyms since I was 15 years old. It has fortunately been my job to train and be inside of a Crossfit gym while representing the gym, a community, and an idea since 2006. The question still comes up everyday, What is Crossfit?

What is Crossfit? Really what is it? Is it a way to “do” fitness? A lifestyle? A person? A specific gym? Yes, yes and yes. Unfortunately there are people/individuals who think they “are” Crossfit (add chest pounding here)…sad I know. However, day by day, month by month, year by year I learn from various aspects of the ‘Crossfit gym’.  Some things I learn from other peoples’ positives, but often it’s from negatives. With most underground things, where a specific few represent the group, there are less negative influences than positive. When you add more people, with more thoughts, ideas, and specific vendettas...you get a different product …enter…multiple crossfit affiliations. In an era where someone can pay 1,000 dollars and learn in two days how ‘to do/coach crossfit’ and then open and run a crossfit gym, we now have entered a state of being diluted. So again, what is Crossfit?

Before you can define what it is, I would ask, why do you workout? More importantly, what do you train for? Is your goal to loose weight, better yourself for your men’s basketball league, become a stronger human being, or is it just to keep your sanity…your release? That is the more important question. Crossfit has a great group of people, but lets take a step back…it’s a gym…what do people do in gyms? They workout, that’s IT. However, popping its head up is a group within the community that believes all that matters in life is the “age old” question “What’s your fran time bro?” Right? Because throwing around a 2 digit barbell and doing weird flying pull ups faster than the others in your gym class IS what matters and wearing the proper attire and beating your chest to that winners drum makes you superior over the rest…awesome, you worked out well. You worked…out….well…that’s it.

 “Dude that workout was epic and I threw up everywhere”… I know you have all heard it and have seen (enter douche name here) a guy take his shirt off for the 6pm class when it’s dark and cold…yet his shirt is still off. Put your shirt on. Take that that stupid black ink off your chest, calf, or back saying you are the shit and you are brave for ‘crossfiting’. A click, a cool kids crowd, has developed inside the crossfit population and it is quite entertaining (by entertaining I mean sad and disturbing). Your self-worth is how fast you do fran, eva, elizabeth (insert light weight 10 minute workout here) You can spot them a mile away. Males – flashy board shorts, shirts off, chalk on their hands, forearms, chest, calf, and face….cmon bro its sicfit. Females – Knee high socks, tight booty/biking shorts (lululemon of course) sports bra (lululemon of course) and a headband (lululemon of course). Oh and the groupies…oh the groupies (the need for a crossfit boyfriend) These people have found a group in which others think they are awesome because they can put a 95pound barbell over their head a bunch of times and scream.

I am assuming many of these people never played a sport or stood out at it least. They never played football, rugby, hockey, basketball, volleyball, or ran track. You know why? Because they call themselves sic athletes in this ‘sport’. It is not a sport, crossfit is a fitness society, and a gym. It can be life-changing, but it is not a sport. The people who think crossfit is life, I ask you to re-read glassman’s 100 words of fitness…What is the last sentence…let it sink in. Learn and play new sports. Now that you know (wipe that last tear) that Crossfit is not a sport…go play pick up basketball, soccer, tennis, hockey, rugby, football, softball whatever, whatever. I am sure there are thousands of people that could do ‘fran’ faster than lets say…Ray Lewis…First off, he would laugh at the idea of doing a squat to press with 95 pounds, second off he would laugh at the idea of competing in a ‘workout’. Does someone who concentrates on sprints and heavy weightlifting not crossfit? Does the swimmer who pairs swimming with kettlebell work and gymnastics not a crossfiter? Or does the person who works out at 24 hr fitness who does squats, presses, deadlifts, and bench press…paired with ‘cardio’ not crossfit? Guess what people…you can get a decent level of fitness if you are stuck with 24hr fitness…just because you belong to a crossfit gym makes you no better or worse.

Be real with yourself, your self worth is not based upon how well you workout. Do you come to the gym everyday with the right mindset, do you attempt to inspire others, do you take the easy way out cause no one is looking, and most importantly do you positively influence people. Or do you look at the gym as a place to make you feel special, treat it as a social scene, and PR and automatically think people owe you something?

So again I’ll ask, what is crossfit? There will always be someone faster, stronger, fitter, smarter, better looking, taller, etc. Knowing that, what is Crossfit to you? Do you believe you are better than the person next to you because you PR’d and they didn’t? If you read that and have been there before take a long look in the mirror and ask why.

Crossfit can be what you make of it, but make sure it’s in this realm and not one made up in your head like the sad few who believe crossfit will be the government, military, and religion of the US.

Yours in Heavy Squats and Hoppy Beer.

1st post back home.

This is the first time I have written since moving back ‘home’ to California. It was weird to drive to Fort Worth, Odessa, El Paso, Tucson, Phoenix, and FINALLY, Orange County. There was a lot of ‘inbetweens’ and in between those ‘inbetweens’ there was a lot of nothing. All that existed was truckers, my sleeplessness, coffee, and my U-Haul. I had a great time living in Texas, and met some GREAT people, some of whom I will call my friends for the rest of my life, however, I soon realized that the majority of people will be people and they will only look out for themselves and no one else.

Loyalty is a big thing with me, honesty goes along with it, and attempting to work for a group of people that have no aspirations for honesty or care for their clients (in a gym) creates moral issues with me. To own a specialized gym and tout yourself as a business that promotes better health, making people stronger mentally and physically, and have work meetings where the main topic is how much clients can afford and would be willing to pay to have fun is not ok in my book.  Yes, Crossfit is a business; however the business is to make people better inside and out of the gym. It forces/teaches hard work, discipline, and a sense of community. You can tell the bad gyms from the good ones in that the athletes themselves never progress, and the coaches themselves are sub par athletes.

My goal is not to be on a soap box. I without a doubt have lied before, but the people that I consider friends, will never ever have a filter. Issues will arise, but will be brought to light and dealt with. Not an ambush brought upon by weak, spineless individuals, which I felt were some of the people I worked for.

It became hard to get excited for work. My drive to make people better went downhill after I was told that it did not matter if people became fitter or better humans; all that mattered was that they had fun and felt like they got a workout.

I am sorry, but I mentally could not deal with that on a day to day basis, constantly telling clients that they were getting better. Let’s face it, they weren’t. The same people doing pull ups with a band 9 months later were not getting better. The same people who were 20% body fat and unhappy with themselves were not better, and we as coaches were to blame.  I do not mean to get on a soapbox, because I am far from perfect; but loyalty, honesty, and caring are human decencies that should be carried out on a daily basis and were not.

I am glad to be back home, I realized that I cannot fight that I am a Californian. I was glad to see people, places, and things that helped raise me. Oddly enough, when I pulled into Orange County, I drove my truck + U-Haul right to my gym, CF Costa Mesa, for my first official workout back; in the rain and all, before I saw friends and family. The people in the gym mean a lot to me. For them to welcome me back after more than a year of being away as if I had never left was great.  

However, being back home brought forth new emotions. Living close to the area in which I grew up in brought back weird memories, memories that I could not contain in my own head. I loved being back around the parents, the best friends, and the family.

This past weekend hit me particularly hard. I am one to keep many emotions and thoughts inside however the 23^rd was my best friend Bubba’s birthday. It has been since 2005 since I saw him last and there is not one day that goes by where I do not miss him. I cannot describe the feeling that overwhelms me other than I wish I could talk to him one last time. I feel for Kris, he saw him last, but I fortunately got to talk to him last. He was a good guy, he had humility, passion for life, and most of all he cared for every person he met. Easier said than done, but nonetheless I miss him dearly. He was my first friend, arguably one of my only true friends.

When I began complaining about this or that (since I have been home) his birthday weekend came up. What smacked me in the face is that I still have the ability to run, jump, lift, smile, hug, kiss, and love. Everyday might not be the best, and everyday I might not PR. But I am still breathing, I still see my loved ones, and I still get the opportunity to learn and teach.

His death has taught me not to dwell, but rather prosper and seek greatness. I am happy for the people in my life and for the people I have met for they have shaped me to the person I am today. I am constantly learning and growing, and with every person I meet, I learn something new. 

The things that really matter rarely come into our foresight, but sadly death illuminates the realities of life. Be good, be honest, cherish your loved ones, and never miss an opportunity to make someone better for that act in itself will make you better.

“The battle is won in the mind. It’s won by the guys who understand their areas of weakness, who sit and think about it, plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail. Work on their weaknesses and overcome them.”